Saturday, May 7, 2011


As we are one day out from celebrating Mothers Day, I thought it necessary to blog about it.  Many of you know that my wife Melissa has been fighting Ovarian Cancer since 2008.  This means that we cannot have children of our own (although she does have a 24 year old daughter from a previous marriage).  Coming from the view of a man who has no children and will never be in a position to have children, I must say that it is difficult to see days like Mother's Day and Father's Day pass by.  The joy of what makes up a family is expressed in the faces of many on these days and it is a jab in my heart when I see it.  This 'jab' is the realization of the truth that there is something to be desired in a family, of which, I will never experience.  The Lord is good, no matter what difficulties I experience in this life.  I do not want to cause anyone to feel awkward about expressing their love for their family on these days because they might disrupt the heart of one such as myself.  This sort of guilt is unwarranted.  

Family is a great blessing and it is only due to my sin that my life is where it is today.  And yet, at the same time, it is only because of God that my life is where it is today.  What a paradox this sort of thing is.  Am I getting what I asked for?  Or is God loving me?  I think maybe both.  You see, even adoption is out of the question (not 100%, but in my opinion almost)because of my past history with mental health issues and a criminal record that I am not proud of.  Sometimes I do not know why God has situated my life this way.  I know that I deserve no better.  I can remember saying regularly that I never wanted to have children and that I didn't want the extra expense that a child is.  I would tell any girlfriend that I got serious with that I wasn't interested in children.  I truly meant it then and only now realize that I am only getting what I have asked for.  I am uncertain about why my life has turned out this way.  I do know that all things work together for good to those who love God and that I have been called according to His purpose.  In the end, it is good not to get everything your way in this life.  I would not change anything even if I could.  I have a loving wife who would be a great mother if we could have ever had children together.  I can see this from the love that she shares with her own daughter.  And even when that relationship pricks my heart, I know that the Lord loves me and is doing what is best for me.  Let us praise Him, even in our suffering.  Happy Mother's Day.

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